I was having dinnerin Londonwhen eventually he got, as the Europeans always do, to the part about Your countrys never been invaded. And so I said, Let me tell you who those bad guys are. Theyre us. WE BE BAD. Were the baddest-assed sons of bitches that ever jogged in Reeboks. Were three-quarters grizzly bear and two-thirds car wreck and descended from a stock market crash on our mothers side. You take your Germany, France, and Spain, roll them all together and it wouldnt give us room to park our cars. Were the big boys, Jack, the original, giant, economy-sized, new and improved butt kickers of all time. When we snort coke in Houston, people lose their hats in Cap dAntibes. And weve got an American Express card credit limit higher than your piss-ant metric numbers go. You say our countrys never been invaded? Youre right, little buddy. Because Id like to see the needle-dicked foreigners whod have the guts to try. We drink napalm to get our hearts started in the morning. A rape and a mugging is our way of saying 'Cheerio.' Hell cant hold our sock-hops. We walk taller, talk louder, spit further, fuck longer and buy more things than you know the names of. Id rather be a junkie in a New York City jail than king, queen, and jack of all Europeans. We eat little countries like this for breakfast and shit them out before lunch.
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About P.J. O'Rourke
P.J. O'Rourke was a 20th-century American political satirist and journalist. Patrick Jake O'Rourke was an American author, journalist, and political satirist who wrote twenty-two books on subjects as diverse as politics, cars, etiquette, and economics. His books Parliament of Whores and Give War a Chance both reached No. Read more on Wikipedia →
Themes
- Politics — Governance, civic duty, and the structures of power