Quotes by Lewis Grizzard

“Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.”

“On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.”

“It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.”

“Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.”

“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.”

“The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.”