“It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.”

“Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.”

“Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.”

“The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.”

“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.”

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon ...”

“If a man whistles at you, don't turn around. You are a lady not a dog.”

“I heard the man and woman cry a warning as I frantically racked my brain for some sort of throat-repairing spell, which I was clearly about to need. Of course the only words that I actually managed...”

“I am a believer in free will. If my dog chooses to hate the whole human race except myself, it must be free to do so.”

“I am the perfect version of me.”

“But if you tame me, then weshall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, Ishall be unique in all the world.”

“I don't want the world to keep turning without me on it.”

“That's how it is with want. As long as you lack something you yearn for it without cease. if only I could have that one thing, you tell yourself, all my problems would be solved. But once you get i...”

“Alice suspected Paul couldnt really picture his father, just like she couldnt picture Paul when he was away. Maybe that was the case with people you wanted more than was good for you.”

“I want, I dont want.How can one live with such a heart?”