“It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.”

“Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.”

“Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.”

“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.”

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon ...”

“On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.”

“Some people think football [soccer] is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that.”

“Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit.”

“Your talent determines what you can do. Your motivation determines how much you are willing to do. Your attitude determines how well you do it.”

“We must seize every opportunity we can to speak the truth and proclaim peace. Especially now. There's so little time for many.”

“I would rather be an opportunist and float than go to the bottom with my principles around my neck.”

“Engage people with what they expect; it is what they are able to discern and confirms their projections. It settles them into predictable patterns of response, occupying their minds while you wait ...”