“It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.”

“Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.”

“Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.”

“The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.”

“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.”

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon ...”

“This is the city, and I am one of the citizens/Whatever interests the rest interests me”

“In some neighborhoods, faces mature faster than bodies.”

“My advice for aspiring writers is go to New York. And if you cant go to New York, go to the place that represents New York to you, where the standards for writing are high, there are other people w...”