Quotes by Jon Stewart

“Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.”

“Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps arou...”

“You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.”

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”

“Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car.”

“By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.”

“The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.”

“If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.”

“Thomas Jefferson once said: 'Of course the people don't want war. But the people can be brought to the bidding of their leader. All you have to do is tell them they're being attacked and denounce t...”

“The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.”

“We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.”

“Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.”

“It's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse's office because once again th...”

“No one is better at not beating America than England.”

“LIZZ WINSTEAD Instead of Jon playing a characterthe news anchor, one of the derelicts in a derelict world of mediaJon made a creative decision to take the show in the direction of the correspondent...”

“Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.”

“Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other peo...”

“It's funny. When we were alive we spent much of our time staring up at the cosmos and wondering what was out there. We were obsessed with the moon and whether we could one day visit it. The day we ...”

“The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.”

“Im not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance”