“Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.”

“Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps arou...”

“You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.”

“Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car.”

“By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.”

“The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.”

“Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited.”

“My love is pizza shaped. Wont you have a slice? Its circular, so theres enough to go around.”

“My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“I've been giving back since I was a teen, handing out turkeys at Thanksgiving and handing out toys at toys drives for Christmas. It's very important to give back as a youth. It's as simple as helpi...”

“My fondest memories are generally the day after Thanksgiving. I get the total decorating Christmas itch.”

“Christmas is the antithesis of Thanksgiving. Christmas is pretty much a man-made holiday.”