Quotes by Jimmy Fallon

“If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.”

“Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.”

“My parents were kind of over protective people. Me and my sister had to play in the backyard all the time. They bought us bikes for Christmas but wouldn't let us ride in the street, we had to ride ...”

“Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food.”

“You only think of the best comeback when you leave.”

“Researches tested a new form of medical marijuana that treats pain but doesn't get the user high, prompting patients who need medical marijuana to declare, 'Thank you?'”

“I wanted to be the next Dana Carvey. This was my ultimate goal. If I ever cut into a birthday cake and made a wish, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.' If I threw a coin into a fountain, I...”

“The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.”

“I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, 'That's funny,' then fall asleep.”

“Politics is pop. Our job as comedians - especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience - is to amplify what we think America is thinking.”

“My wife and I got engaged in New Hampshire at this lake house that her family's had forever, and it's on Lake Winnipesaukee. And so we went there every summer as we were dating.”

“I just feel like people like a little break. Especially at 12:37 at night, you go, like, 'I'm just tired of the snarky right now. I just want to lie down and have somebody make me laugh for an hour...”

“Everyone looks so much better when they smile.”

“I was into the Mets because my Dad worked at IBM where he got free Mets tickets, so I was into the Mets... then I got to 'Saturday Night Live' where my boss has unbelievable N.Y. Yankees tickets, s...”

“I want to be a dad. That's floating to the top of my list. I think it's such an important thing. I'm at the age where everyone has kids, and I ask them, 'Is it like a puppy?' And they go, 'It's 10 ...”

“Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves.”

“Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves.”

“Actually, it's tough, because he's not really screwing up. He seems to be doing a good job, but we're there just in case — the first time he does anything.”

“Honestly, it's the greatest show on television. It's live. It's topical. It makes you laugh. It's just a great vibe.”

“When I got asked to sing Silent Night on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon just before Christmas, I saw it as an honor and an opportunity. I loved that show, so being a guest on it was awesome. It was a...”