“If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.”

“Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.”

“My parents were kind of over protective people. Me and my sister had to play in the backyard all the time. They bought us bikes for Christmas but wouldn't let us ride in the street, we had to ride ...”

“Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food.”

“You only think of the best comeback when you leave.”

“Researches tested a new form of medical marijuana that treats pain but doesn't get the user high, prompting patients who need medical marijuana to declare, 'Thank you?'”

“The term "work" is getting thrown around as though everyone seems to be doing so. The question is, working for what? Every time I am at work, it means I am getting closer to my goal. Once you have ...”

“Success, like happiness, is a by-product, not a goal.”

“Be grateful for what you already have while you pursue your goals. If you arent grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more.”

“Love is like a good cake; you never know when it's coming, but you'd better eat it when it does!”

“Cake is happiness! If you know the way of the cake, you know the way of happiness! If you have a cake in front of you, you should not look any further for joy!”

“You've got this life and while you've got it, you'd better kiss like you only have one moment, try to hold someone's hand like you will never get another chance to, look into people's eyes like the...”

“Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.”

“Night is certainly more novel and less profane than day.”

“I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.”