“If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.”

“Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.”

“My parents were kind of over protective people. Me and my sister had to play in the backyard all the time. They bought us bikes for Christmas but wouldn't let us ride in the street, we had to ride ...”

“Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food.”

“Researches tested a new form of medical marijuana that treats pain but doesn't get the user high, prompting patients who need medical marijuana to declare, 'Thank you?'”

“I wanted to be the next Dana Carvey. This was my ultimate goal. If I ever cut into a birthday cake and made a wish, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.' If I threw a coin into a fountain, I...”

“Not everyone may not think the way you do.”

“I think you're wrong.""Think what you like.”

“To think, to think, even with a split second left - to think was the only hope.”

“Are you an idiot, or an idiot?' Gargarin hissed.'The first one. I really resent being called the second.”

“And Im stubborn, if you want absolute obedience, get a Labrador.”

“And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first!”

“The more clearly you understand yourself and your emotions, the more you become a lover of what is.”

“There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle.”

“The moral of the tale is, don't live for the approval of others. The real you is here to find out the secret of life, not to satisfy someone else's opinion.”