Quotes by Carroll Bryant

“I never fail. It's just that the people around me succeed more than I.”

“No matter how many plans you make or how much in control you are, life is always winging it.”

“If you want to dance the dance then you better learn the steps, the world has enough pretenders. If you want to practice sex then you better find a partner, and to love you must surrender.”

“He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke.”

“One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.”

“Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.”

“What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer.”

“All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.”

“How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?”

“When it comes to being famous, youre usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!”

“I think a person can do one of two things in life ... make your own choices despite the past or let your past make your choices for you. Very few poeple go through life completely untouched by some...”

“To which hand do I choose to strike with when both hands are guided by the same heart?”

“I feel like I am either on the cusp of something great, or standing on the edge of my abyss, discovering something brand new, or uncovering somebody elses lost imagination.”

“The last word of love is ... goodbye.”

“Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isnt that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.”

“If they're not going to respect you, then they best damn well fear you.”

“Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And then there are those who wonder, 'What the hell just happened?”

“There is no need to masturbate your brain, just to ejaculate your thoughts all over the place”

“My best days are Monday through Friday, and Saturday and Sunday." "Ian," Wesley noted, "that covers the whole week." Ian nods his head. "Pretty much.”

“Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny.”