167 quotes found
“Go jogging? And get hit by a meteor?”
“When I see joggers go by I shout "Jim Fixx is dead. Fats Domino lives!"”
“Counting both times I cheated this week I won at solitaire twice.”
“You know you're getting old when you start watching golf on TV and enjoying it.”
“As a woman I resent the fact that in golf if I have the highest score I'm the loser.”
“He who has the fastest cart never has a bad lie.”
“My best score is 103 but I've only been playing for fifteen years.”
“It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better.”
“I play in the low eighties. If it's any hotter than that I won't play.”
“I asked my instructor how I could cut ten strokes off my score. He told me to quit on hole 17!”
“I get confused with all the rules in golf. Let's say you're playing in L.A. and your ball lands on a dead body. Is your relief one or two club lengths?”
“My golf has really improved even though my score hasn't. I'm missing the ball much closer now.”
“Gimme: An agreement between two losers who can't putt.”
“The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.”
“Golf is not a matter of life or death. It is much more important than that.”
“player: Can I reach it with a five iron? caddie: Eventually.”
“Golf is a good preoccupation but as the meaning of life ... it lacks a few things.”
“If you watch a game it's fun. If you play it it's recreation. If you work at it it's golf.”
“By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball he can't hit that far.”
“This guy is such an obvious cheater that once when he had a hole in one he wrote down zero on his scorecard.”
