“If there's one thing I know about women, it's that they have vaginas.”

“I try not to let other people's problems problem me.”

“You can't make a woman love you. Not even with duct tape.”

“No man wants his daughter to be the kind of girl whom he liked in high school.”

“I love animals, especially with barbeque sauce.”

“You have to think if we've been visited by extraterrestrial life, it was like a zookeeper walking into the chimp enclosure: He looks around, takes some pictures, then leaves without interacting sig...”

“It is for your own good to love a dare-devil rather than a holy coward. A dare-devil is a unique devil, battling your fears, your pains, conquering your uncertainties, carrying you his arms, and fl...”

“Life is not a battle to win but a melody to sing.”

“Every man should lose a battle in his youth, so he does not lose a war when he is old.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“If we can become still and open-minded we might all feel that unseen hand on our shoulder, letting us know we are not alone.”

“If we an become still and open-minded, we might all feel the unseen comforting hand on our shoulder letting us know we are not alone.”

“It was the sort of bone deep emotion that made him want to hold her tighter with one hand, and draw a sword against the world with the other.”