“Boys. I'd turn gay if they weren't so sexy. ”

“Don't run I never liked fast food”

“Married and buried, wed and dead.”

“Now we're in the middle of a three-sided vampire war. Which would be an awesome video game, but I'm really not interested in playing for real. I like my reset buttons.”

“He dunked his tea bag and watched the results critically. I really must get a new supplier. This tea is pathetic. America just doesnt understand tea at all.”

“Want to play baseball? she asked. Shanes eyes opened, and he stopped stroking her hair. What? First base, she said. Youre already there. Im not running the bases. Well, you could at least steal sec...”

“See?" she heard Shane yell at the kitchen. "She doesn't stomp around like a cattle stampede!""Bite me, Collins! No bacon for you, either!”

“If Myrnin pokes his crazy head up before then, call me and try to keep him, you know, stable.''Is he UNstable?''I don't know, how can I tell? You're the crazy whisperer!'She had a point. Claire cou...”

“Get in here and make me some dinnernow, woman.""News flash, Michael, you're supposed to be evil, not redneck!”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“I hate traveling with amateurs.”

“Yeah. She'd manipulated the second most powerful vampire in town into taking her side against a psycho bitch-queen sorority girl. She'd talked rationally about putting people's brains into computer...”

“I hate traveling with amateurs.”