“One of my relatives invented the sensory deprivation tank. Appropriately, most of my family has never seen or heard of him.”

“When I first tried a sensory deprivation tank, people thought I had lost my mind. In fact, I had found it.”

“I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?”

“The best cure for a stick up your butt is a dog to play fetch with.”

“Part of my soul goes into each quote I write. A book of my quotes can be yours for just $19.99.”

“Quotes are echos of voices transporting wisdom, humor, and love. Returning again to the human condition, fleeting once more as a dove.”

“If all it takes to motivate you is a quote then this quote has nothing to say except to go soar with the freakin eagles.”

“Soaring is in stages, it progresses as you engage in the very art.”

“You will never see an eagle of distinction flying low with pigeons of mediocrity.”

“Every bird of prey looks over its shoulder before it goes in for the kill, even a hawk. Even they know to watch their backs every single one but an eagle. Its fearless.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”