“Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.”

“I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.”

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”

“I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.”

“The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that it's coming quickly.”

“As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.”

“great writers are indecent peoplethey live unfairlysaving the best part for paper.good human beings save the worldso that bastards like me can keep creating art,become immortal.if you read this aft...”

“Some writers enjoy writing, I am told. Not me. I enjoy having written.”

“Becoming a writer is about becoming conscious. When you're conscious and writing from a place of insight and simplicity and real caring about the truth, you have the ability to throw the lights on ...”

“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”

“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.”

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”