“Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.”

“I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.”

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”

“The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that it's coming quickly.”

“As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.”

“Humor is just another defense against theuniverse.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“The more wit the less courage.”

“Marriage is the grave or tomb of wit.”

“Wit beyond measure is mans greatest treasure.”

“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”

“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.”

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”