“I believe when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade...and try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”

“I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.”

“When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Then find someone who's life is givin' them vodka and have a party!”

“There's no idea or concept in comedy you could do that hasn't been attacked from some angle. But if you start leaving punchlines out so you'll look cool, I don't get that. But I don't watch standup...”

“I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.”

“Vegas is famous for a lot of things, and bad marriages are one of them. Margo and I are proof that you can make this work. It just takes a little effort.”

“We fatties have a bond, dude. It's like a secret society. We got all kinds of shit you don't know about. Handshakes, special fat people dances-we got these secret fugging lairs in the center of the...”

“Because theres a silent, shrugging, stoical acceptance of all the things in the world we can never be part of: shorts, swimming pools, strappy dresses, country walks, roller-skating, ra-ra skirts, ...”

“My fat years were when I was not human shaped. I was a 16-stone triangle, with inverted triangle legs, and no real neck. And thats because I wasnt doing human things. I didnt walk or run or dance o...”

“You're a Dark One," said Anton. "All you see in everything is evil, treachery, trickery.""All I do is not close my eyes to them," Edgar retorted. "And that's why I don't trust Zabulon. I distrust h...”

“I drink beer not to get drunk or because i have stress, i drink beer just because i want to share good ideas with the real men, real people. you cannot be real and wise man, if you don't take alcohol.”

“Bburke used to, whenever he went to the city to catch a Yankees game, throw his money around to every homeless man on the street, feeling it was the right thing to do; except one time he did that a...”

“The more clearly you understand yourself and your emotions, the more you become a lover of what is.”

“There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle.”

“The moral of the tale is, don't live for the approval of others. The real you is here to find out the secret of life, not to satisfy someone else's opinion.”