“Guys like him? They were the worst kind. All looks and no heart. Guys not like him? They were all deceiving, freaking asshats.”

“Mom lies down next to me and we both stare at the ceiling in complete silence. “Boys are like candy,” she suddenly says. I grin. “Really, Mom? That’s your advice? Boys are like candy. What is that?...”

“Anyone who is willing to work and is serious about it will certainly find a job. Only you must not go to the man who tells you this, for he has no job to offer and doesn't know anyone who knows of ...”

“Choose your counsel, company and companions wisely: beware seeking wise words of advice from a fool or expecting informed opinions or decisions from the ignorant.”

“If you find it difficult to get along with your boss, try to reason with him and talk through your differences. If that doesn't work, drive him to suicide and take over the company.”

“The best music I have ever heard is the sound of my daughters giggling.”

“... He spoke in the deep tenderness of one about to leave his treasure amid perils and foes, where his remembered words would be the only aid he could bequeath to guide her.”

“Her laughter was my favorite symphony.”

“Humour sustains us during failure; more so after success, when we're prone to fail that much more, daring abyss, pumped up with success.”

“I wish you all the best in life. Hell, I will even write your obituary for free.”

“I love religious nuts. They make me remember I have them too. So, being a health nut, I scratch them religiously. Just as I do my butt.”