“If there's one thing I know about women, it's that they have vaginas.”

“I try not to let other people's problems problem me.”

“You can't make a woman love you. Not even with duct tape.”

“No man wants his daughter to be the kind of girl whom he liked in high school.”

“I love animals, especially with barbeque sauce.”

“You have to think if we've been visited by extraterrestrial life, it was like a zookeeper walking into the chimp enclosure: He looks around, takes some pictures, then leaves without interacting sig...”

“Disobey God and you are forgiven. Disobey Nature and you get disease.”

“Whenever you read a cancer booklet or website or whatever, they always list depression among the side effects of cancer. But, in fact, depression is not a side effect of cancer. Depression is a sid...”

“Cancer. The word meant the same to me as tsunami or piranha. I had never seen them; I wasn't even quite sure what they were, but I knew they were bad and I knew in many cases they were deadly.”

“There is no greater power than that of a laugh and happiness is a force which can save a person from the horrors of the world.”

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”

“[H]iding how you really feel and trying to make everyone happy doesn't make you nice, it just makes you a liar.”

“Love is honesty. Love is a mutual respect for one another.”

“The fact that Ridge has been honest in his conversations with me is not something he did wrong. The fact that he has feelings for me also isnt wrong, when you know exactly how much hes fought those...”