“Women are also property in our bible; adultery is a property crime in the Old Testament, not a sex crime.”

“New Rule: If you're one of the one-in-three married women who say your pet is a better listener than your husband, you talk too much. And I have some bad news for you: Your dog's not listening, eit...”

“There's an old, frequently-used definition of insanity, which is "performing the same action over and over, expecting different results."... Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my profession...”

“First of all understand that I get it. That there are millions and millions of women who are steely eyed realists. And millions and millions of men who are anything but. However. For lack of a bett...”

“[F]reedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that "Oh, I don't get involved in politics," as if that makes you somehow cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars an...”

“The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of ”

“It made him feel like less of a man. And given how much less of a man hed felt the past several weeks, that was really saying something. He was surprised someone from the Man Club hadnt come by to ...”

“Bad enough that getting turned on when he had nothing more than a bath towel to hide it would make the condition kind of hard to miss, but getting turned on in front of his ex-fiancee was akin to s...”

“He counts as an ex because he made me feel dumped even without making me feel loved first.”

“Why are old lovers able to become friends? Two reasons. They never truly loved each other, or they love each other still.”

“People who have so much of their personality invested in the Internet cant really survive as whole individuals without it.”

“Stupid quotes are only Twitters in disguise.”

“The great thing about the Internet isn't that you can reconnect with old friends or stay up to date with developing world events or send pictures of newborns immediately around the world. It is sim...”