Quotes by Bill Maher

“Women are also property in our bible; adultery is a property crime in the Old Testament, not a sex crime.”

“New Rule: If you're one of the one-in-three married women who say your pet is a better listener than your husband, you talk too much. And I have some bad news for you: Your dog's not listening, eit...”

“There's an old, frequently-used definition of insanity, which is "performing the same action over and over, expecting different results."... Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my profession...”

“First of all understand that I get it. That there are millions and millions of women who are steely eyed realists. And millions and millions of men who are anything but. However. For lack of a bett...”

“[F]reedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that "Oh, I don't get involved in politics," as if that makes you somehow cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars an...”

“The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of ”

“You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.”

“But females in even the most advanced Muslim countries are simply, by law, not the equal of men.”

“Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.”

“We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep & conformists.”

“The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.”

“New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. Its not their field. Its like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Heres what they know about: spray ta...”

“Be out of the mainstream. I'm out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream?”

“I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.”

“Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. Ill be damned if Rick Perry didnt take me up on that.”

“Kadafi is a zombie in a pillbox hat, that's what he is!”

“New Rule: Never underestimate the ability of a tiny fringe group of losers to ruin everything. We've all been laughing heartily at the wacky antics of the "birthers"--the far-right goofballs who cl...”

“Americans today confuse freedom with not being asked to sacrifice. The fact that you can't have everything you want exactly when you want it has somehow become un-American.”

“Just like in the workplace, women who are good workers are the best workers.”

“To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.”