Quotes by W. C. Fields

“Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?”

“I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.”

“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”

“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”

“No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.”

“Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.”

“I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.”

“The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.”

“Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.”

“I like children - fried.”

“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”

“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”

“It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.”

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”

“We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame almost always is placed on whisky. Why this should be I never could understand. You...”

“I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy.”

“I exercise self-control and never touch any beverage stronger than gin before breakfast.”

“It was a woman who drove me to drink - and you know I never even thanked her.”

“Once during Prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”

“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”