155 quotes found
Writer · American
American writer
“In my fathers scheme of things, there were Italians and then there was the rest of the world.”
“Everyone wants a Christmas tree. If you had a Christmas tree Santa would bring you stuff! Like hair curlers and slut shoes.”
“On the bright side, I'm sure this isn't the last time you'll ever get firebombed, so maybe you'll have better luck next time.”
“He blew himself up.Get out! You mean like guts all over the place?Not all over the place, I said. He was pretty well contained, all things considered.”
“I could help you, I said. Counseling, drugs, a religious advisor, a girlfriend.”
“Oh, for God's sake," I said. "Just give me the stupid thing." I took the panic button and stuck it into my Super Sexy Miracle Bra. "GPS," Ranger said to Morelli. "Probably I can find her breast wit...”
“Lots of times Im not crazy about the writing, but I keep moving ahead and somehow it gets better. The important thing is to move forward.”
“Respect and love your readers. Write for the reader.”
“I dont get writer's block because I dont believe in it. I believe you sit in front of the computer and force your fingers to get something on the screen.”
“He wears jeans, untucked shirts, and a Glock 19, and he has a big shaggy dog named Bob.”
“I attributed the incidence to temporary insanity, and in my own defense, I'd like to say I haven't run over anyone since.”
“Then I had to decide if I needed to wear shoes that kicked ass or were good for ass kicking, on account of there's a difference you know. ~ Finger Lickin' Fifteen”
“That's why I'm not on social media. People are way too open about their private lives. I don't need to see pictures of what somebody had for lunch or hear about how difficult their last bowel movem...”
“I can't help it. I'm just a big gasbag. I still got leftover barbeque gas." She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long far. "Excuse me," she said.”
“If I could just get Broom to cooperate, we could fly, Glo said. Then we wouldn't have to worry about traffic. Harry Potter didn't have to worry about traffic.You relize Harry Potter isn't real, rig...”
“Sure, he was attracted to her, but women always had to go beyond that.Women [had] nesting fantasies. It wasn't long before they wereredecorating your apartment and criticizing your choice of mustard.”
“...I blink back the threat of tears, swiped at my nose and narrowed my eyes. "Listen to me, you two bags of monkey shit, "I yelled. "I am not in a good mood. My car keeps stalling. The day before y...”
“So you need an alarm system because you gonna be in bad neighborhoods?""Actually, I sort of stole a car, and I'm afraid the owner will try to get it back.”
“Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head." Eddie DeChooch”
“I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.”
