Quotes by Chuck Lorre

“What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits'? Does he provide her with health insurance?”

“Is my coitus whimsically inventive?”

“I won't say that all senior citizens who can't master technology should be publicly flogged, but if we made an example of one or two, it might give the others incentive to try harder.”

“According to the rules of comedy, your suffering will be funny after an undetermined length of time. Maybe not while you're having your gangrenous leg sawed off, watching your home burn down or lea...”

“For the record, I do have genitals; and they are functional and aesthetically pleasing.”

“I believe that the Laws of Karma do not apply to show business, where good things happen to bad people on a fairly regular basis.”

“Thank you for videotaping Dharma & Greg and freeze-framing on my vanity card. I'd like to take this opportunity to share with you some of my personal beliefs. I believe that everyone thinks they ca...”

“Once again, thank you for video-taping Dharma & Greg and freeze-framing on my vanity card. I'd like to take this opportunity to share with you some more of my beliefs. I believe that the guy who in...”

“Once again, thanks for video-taping Dharma & Greg, and freeze-framing on my vanity card. The following are a few more of my beliefs: I believe that El Niño is an international conspiracy perpetrate...”

“I believe I'm growing skeptical of cynicism.”

“I believe that all work and no play makes Chuck a dull boy. I believe that all work and no play makes Chuck a dull boy. I believe that all work and no play makes Chuck a dull boy. I believe that al...”

“Well, once again I'd like to thank you for not only watching, but videotaping Dharma & Greg. I know you're busy, so this shows a wonderful commitment on your part and I want you to acknowledge that...”

“Once again, thank you for videotaping Dharma & Greg and freeze-framing on my vanity card. For those of you who are new, this is my sporadic attempt to share my personal beliefs with millions of peo...”

“No need to freeze frame this one!”

“United we stand.”

“My lawyer ate my vanity card.”

“I got nothin'.”

“Still got nothin'.”

“In no particular order, I could not or would not exist without air, food, water, gravity, tides, the moon, the sun, night, civilization, the laws of physics, the laws of thermodynamics, the law of ...”

“Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday, dear me. Happy birthday to me. (And 20 more would be nice)”