“What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits'? Does he provide her with health insurance?”

“Is my coitus whimsically inventive?”

“According to the rules of comedy, your suffering will be funny after an undetermined length of time. Maybe not while you're having your gangrenous leg sawed off, watching your home burn down or lea...”

“For the record, I do have genitals; and they are functional and aesthetically pleasing.”

“I believe that the Laws of Karma do not apply to show business, where good things happen to bad people on a fairly regular basis.”

“Thank you for videotaping Dharma & Greg and freeze-framing on my vanity card. I'd like to take this opportunity to share with you some of my personal beliefs. I believe that everyone thinks they ca...”

“Blessed is the society with elderly souls.”

“From warm meals, to daily exercise, to healthcare; one can't help but wonder how our society would be different if tended to the elderly as we do to our imprisoned.”

“We are never old with the strength of the spirit, although the body may fail.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”