63 quotes found
“Careers are not made in a family business, they are born by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.”
“Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion.”
“Self-awareness of ones faults, far from being the first step to growth, is very often the second foot in the mud.”
“Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.”
“There is an enduring freshness in what remains strange and obscure which the cliches of greatness can only evoke nostalgia for.”
“I study men like I study books: I skim their midsections.”
“Humor is not an end in itself, but a tool to understanding. A dense head must be tickled with an ax.”
“To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.”
“Embarrassing facts, those would really help our children remember their classroom lessons better.”
“First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.”
“Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.”
“The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked bodies on prime-time networks, but not nearly enough cable television on public...”
“I don’t read biographies for moral instruction, or for a history lesson. I want to know what people are saying about me.”
“Envy is for people who don’t have the self-esteem to be jealous.”
“Welcome to Telepathics Anonymous. Don’t bother introducing yourself.”
“Without humor, we’d all be what we’re laughing at. Without arrogance, we’d be humiliated to admit we already are.”
“Divorce runs high these days, but I’m an exception to the norm. I got divorced when marriage was still popular.”
“Where does love reveal itself? In beds, sofas, bathtubs – each section of a department store has its advantages.”
“We need to revitalize the American spirit. People are always asking ‘What would the founding fathers do,’ but I have yet to witness a single séance.”
“Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives.”
