Quotes by Andy Weir

“As with most of life's problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation.”

“If ruining the only religious icon I have leaves me vulnerable to Martian vampires, I'll have to risk it.”

“Actually, I was the very lowest ranked member of the crew. I would only be in command if I were the only remaining person.What do you know? Im in command”

“I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me.”

“So whats the point of it all?Seriously? I asked. Seriously? Youre asking me for the meaning of life? Isnt that a little stereotypical?Well its a reasonable question, you persisted.”

“Log Entry: SOL 118My conversation with NASA about the Water Reclaimer was boring and riddled with technical details. So I'll paraphrase for you:Me: "This is obviously a clog. How about I take it ap...”

“How did I end up in this situation? I'm the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?”

“I'm so close to Schiaparelli I can taste it. I guess it would taste like sand, mostly, but that's not the point.”

“In other news, Its seven sols till the harvest, and I still havent prepared. For starters, I need to make a hoe. Also, I need to make an outdoor shed for the potatoes. I cant just pile them up outs...”

“They hate you.""Why?""Cause you're a dick, Mitch.”

“Problem is (follow me closely here, the science is pretty complicated), if I cut a hole in the Hab, the air won't stay inside anymore.”

“WATNEY: Look! A pair of boobs! -> (.Y.).”

“Turns out even NASA can't improve on duct tape.”

“When I was up there, stranded by myself, did I think I was going to die? Yes. Absolutely, and thats what you need to know going in because its going to happen to you. This is space. It does not coo...”

“Conclusion: I don't need the water reclaimer at all. I'll drink as needed and dump my waste outdoors. Yeah, that's right, Mars, I'm gonna piss and shit on you. That's what you get for trying to kil...”

“The NSA?""Yeah, they called and offered to help out. Same software they use for enhancing spy satellite imagery."Venkat shrugged. "It's amazing how much red tape gets cut when everyone's rooting fo...”

“Just three words? Nothing about his physical health? His equipment? His supplies?''You got me,' she said. 'He left a detailed status report. I just decided to lie for no reason.''Funny,' Venkat sai...”

“It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft.”

“Mars and my own stupidity keep trying to kill me.”

“I stumbled up the hill back toward the Hab. As I crested the rise, I saw something that made me very happy and something that made me very sad: The Hab was intact (yay!) and the MAV was gone (boo!).”