“If ruining the only religious icon I have leaves me vulnerable to Martian vampires, I'll have to risk it.”

“Actually, I was the very lowest ranked member of the crew. I would only be in command if I were the only remaining person.What do you know? Im in command”

“I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me.”

“Log Entry: SOL 118My conversation with NASA about the Water Reclaimer was boring and riddled with technical details. So I'll paraphrase for you:Me: "This is obviously a clog. How about I take it ap...”

“How did I end up in this situation? I'm the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?”

“I'm so close to Schiaparelli I can taste it. I guess it would taste like sand, mostly, but that's not the point.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”