117 quotes found
“Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier.”
“For weeks I've been telling him not to buy anything for my birthday and he still forgot to bring me something.”
“The age of some women is like the speedometer on a used car - you know it's set back but you don't know how far.”
“What can you say when your husband says: 'You can't expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older."”
“The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.”
“Pushing fifty is exercise enough.”
“After thirty a body has a mind of its own.”
“Of all the things I miss the thing I miss the most is my mind.”
“My health is good it's my age that's bad.”
“I stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.”
“He is at an age that whenever a pretty girl smiles at him he immediately looks down to see what is unzipped.”
“At eighty-eight how do you feel when getting up in the morning? . . . Amazed!”
“Life begins at fifty but so does bad eyesight arthritis and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same listeners.”
“Women don't get a tattoo. That butterfly looks great on your breast when you're twenty or thirty but when you get to be seventy it stretches into a condor.”
“He's so old his social security number is two digits.”
“When Julia Child was asked to what she credited her longevity she replied "Red meat and gin."”
“Sometimes I feel that I'm not just aging . . . I'm decomposing.”
“Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.”
“My notion of a wife at forty is that a man should be able to change her like a banknote for two twenties.”
“When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.”
