Quotes by George Burns

“Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.”

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”

“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”

“Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? ...”

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and to have the two as close together as possible. ”

“I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”

“I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.”

“There isn't a thing I can't do now that I didn't do when I was twenty-one...which gives you an idea of how pathetic I was when I was twenty-one. (That's a lie, but I might as well tell you somethin...”

“I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.”

“I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.”

“You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.”

“At my age flowers scare me.”

“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.”

“If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.”

“I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.”

“I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.”

“I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.”

“Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.”