“Sure, we'd faced some things as children that a lot of kids don't. Sure, Justin had qualified for his Junior de Sade Badge in his teaching methods for dealing with pain. We still hadn't learned, th...”

“My dear cousin has a very odd relationship with fear -- though mostly she's too busy to be bothered with it.”

“Fear is really quite tedious. She wanted to be rid of it as soon as possible.”

“Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!”

“I let out a battle cry. Sure, a lot of people might have mistaken it for a sudden yelp of unmanly fear, but trust me. It was a battle cry.”

“That woman," Grimm said quietly, "drives me quite insane."Kettle grunted. "Why'd you marry her, then?”

“This is Waldo Butters, and his geek penis is longer and harder than any of ours put together.”

“To him it was a sort of hyperspace-librarian, girl-geek thing that he found clever and fetching without attracting him in a way that would have been creepy.”

“The library in 2020 will be ruled by geeks. In my happy vision for the future, libraries are ruled by benign geek librarian overlords and the world is full of awesome.”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”