“I would love to slap you right now, but Im currently wielding a nine pound ball and Im afraid that would be called murder.”

“How did you find me? If you hacked into the Clubs computer to look up my appointments - "Whoa, I think you overestimate me, shitlord. Last time I checked all I did was be in the wrong place at the ...”

“The waitress scuttles away, and I make a shooing motion at the old couple whore still glaring. Dont you have something to better to work on? I hiss. Like golfing or eating prunes or dying? The old ...”

“Hairy monkeyballs! I hiss. Dogshit on a stick! Puke pancakes! A head pokes in. Wren, green eyes smiling, walks over to my bed.I knew you were awake. Who else spews such original and captivating swe...”

“Youre seventeen! Why do I have to keep reminding you of that? There are soooo many women you havent even met yet! Dont act like youre tired of the puss-puss, no guy is ever tired of the puss-puss.”

“I leave her to chemically combust and find Wren in the student council office, filling out extremely interesting paperwork. Hes buried behind piles of the stuff. I can barely see tufts of his blond...”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”