“I figure you're only here for a matter of moments. Ever since I was a kid watching movies I've always wanted to make people laugh or have some sort of emotional reaction.”

“I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair but he says he's charging me for finding it.”

“This gathering is what I call "intimate " which really means "Where is everybody?"”

“He spends so much time in the sand trap you'd think he was in the cast of Baywatcb.”

“I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair but he says he's charging me for finding it.”

“People have often asked me, If you weren’t in show business, what would you be doing? The truth is, I don’t think there’s anything else I could be doing, so the answer would have to be, nothing. Th...”

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that youve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you sa...”

“As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.”

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there i...”

“If we could survive without a wife, citizens of Rome, all of us would do without that nuisance; but since nature has so decreed that we cannot manage comfortably with them, nor live in any way with...”

“When we are at peace within our marriage, the effects can be astounding! We will raise happier children, become better employees, and overall find the joy in life.”

“Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.”