“I like pink."Lucius sniffed. "It's just red's sorry, weak cousin.”

“As you wish, of course." Lucius lowered the volume on an old record player, which spun a warped vinyl disk that wailed unfamiliar music, scratchy and whiny, like cats fighting. Or a coffin with rus...”

“Stupid Romanian bloodsucker. He was lucky I hadn't bestowed another exalted scar on his imperial body.”

“As you know, I have always been curious about our immortality... how it feels to live on and on through time....I need speculate no longer, I have sampled eternity in Miss Campbell's fifth period "...”

“Why do humans always look at these things from the wrong perspective? Predators deserve our sympathy, too.”

“You're a wrestler, right, Jake?" Dad asked, passing Jake more saag. My parents were in an Indian food phase. The evening's entree consisted of limp spinach. God forbid we'd throw a few burgers on t...”

“Chocolate says "I'm sorry" so much better than words.”

“An apology is the superglue of life! It can repair just about anything!!”

“IM SORRYI am developing a new board game. Its called Im Sorry. Its also a form of Self-Help Psychological Therapy!You take turns moving around the board like Monopoly. But if you land on a Yellow o...”

“If a person gave your body to any stranger he met on is way, you would certainly be angry. And do you feel no shame in handing over your own mind to be confused and mystified by anyone who happens ...”

“Money-makers are tiresome company, as they have no standard but cash value.”

“Sir, I admit your general rule, That every poet is a fool, But you yourself may serve to show it, That every fool is not a poet.”