“You gotta be optimistic to be single. Stupid! You have to be stupid. That's what optimistic means, you know. It means stupid. An optimist is somebody that goes, 'Hey, maybe something nice will happ...”

“I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at.”

“Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.”

“I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping,...”

“The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.”

“America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.”

“Blood is one of the things that made fights cool. Like, you knew it had gotten serious. I understand why we don't do it anymore.”

“If it doesn't matter who wins or loses, then why do they keep score?”

“Why is it that I notice so many brilliant scientists using Macs for their personal computers why does the Lawrence Livermore & Berkeley Labs buy millions of dollars worth of Macs? ”

“Talk like an ambassador (Eph 4:29-30). 1)Consider the person ("only what is helpful for building others up")2) Consider the problem ("according to their needs")3) Consider the process ("that it may...”

“Talk is cheap when your words have no value.”

“My biggest failure is I have too many to talk about.”

“Too much of a good thing can be taxing.”

“Money often costs too much.”

“I have too much money invested in sweaters.”