“If there is such a things as "race", there is only the Human one.”

“Even-money that my liver lasts through my wife's metamorphosis to my mother-in-law.”

“I'm not unlucky at love, just incredibly lucky with celibacy.”

“I have zero tolerance for people with zero tolerance.”

“I'll never wake up in a good mood again.I'm tired of these stinky boots”

“Where's the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown?”

“Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance.”

“We fatties have a bond, dude. It's like a secret society. We got all kinds of shit you don't know about. Handshakes, special fat people dances-we got these secret fugging lairs in the center of the...”

“Because theres a silent, shrugging, stoical acceptance of all the things in the world we can never be part of: shorts, swimming pools, strappy dresses, country walks, roller-skating, ra-ra skirts, ...”

“My fat years were when I was not human shaped. I was a 16-stone triangle, with inverted triangle legs, and no real neck. And thats because I wasnt doing human things. I didnt walk or run or dance o...”

“You dont need a stage to prove that youre a bad speaker.”

“Don't worry if you've been labeled as weird. Who wants to be classed as normal in an insane world?”

“Guess it's high time we add the 8th vow in marriage promising that we shall spend time with our husband or wife more than with social networking sites!”