“In the beginning Dave and Marlenes relationship had been fantastic. The sex was amazing. There were other good things too of course, but Dave couldn't always remember exactly what they were. But th...”

“The point of tantric sex was supposedly to harness sexual energy to awaken higher consciousness. It was just like yoga, but way more fun.”

“He quite liked dentists waiting rooms. Waiting for dentists was good. Waiting for them was so much better than having them stick metal spikes in your mouth.”

“Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader.”

“In the beginning Dave and Marlene’s relationship had been fantastic. The sex was amazing. There were other good things too of course, but Dave couldn't always remember exactly what they were. But t...”

“He quite liked dentists’ waiting rooms. Waiting for dentists was good. Waiting for them was so much better than having them stick metal spikes in your mouth.”

“There is no greater power than that of a laugh and happiness is a force which can save a person from the horrors of the world.”

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”