“If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husbands murder.”

“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.”

“Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.”

“I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.”

“I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.”

“Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.”

“Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited.”

“My love is pizza shaped. Wont you have a slice? Its circular, so theres enough to go around.”

“My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.”

“The land of easy mathematics where he who works adds up and he who retires subtracts.”

“At the age of 45, most days in Tucson were spent feeling like I was on the summit of Mauna Kea, as I was exhibiting debilitating health symptoms that corresponded to what I saw at very high altitud...”

“The hour is only long thus, if you've waited.”

“This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.”

“He has been known to devour men. Hes a cannibal? Cadmus asked in horror. Well, not really, Daemon replied. He is a Cyclops. He does not eat his own kind just men and only those who challenge him ...”

“He has been known to devour men.” “He’s a cannibal?” Cadmus asked in horror. “Well, not really,” Daemon replied. “He is a Cyclops. He does not eat his own kind — just men and only those who challen...”