“I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.”

“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”

“I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.”

“A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.”

“Men forget everything women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened. ”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”