“In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.”

“Just be yourself -- it's the only way it can work.”

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”

“Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had mor...”

“For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.”

“Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.”

“I gave up on cussing - I'd run out of words filthy enough - and just started praying.”

“I stared up at the sky and raised my middle finger, just in case God was watching. I don't like being spied on.”

“Thats when I have to ask him. Can you really talk like that? Being holy and all?What? Because Im a priest? He finishes the dregs of his coffee. Sure. God knows whats important.”

“If a person gave your body to any stranger he met on is way, you would certainly be angry. And do you feel no shame in handing over your own mind to be confused and mystified by anyone who happens ...”

“Money-makers are tiresome company, as they have no standard but cash value.”

“Sir, I admit your general rule, That every poet is a fool, But you yourself may serve to show it, That every fool is not a poet.”

“Every insult is an opportunity.”