21 quotes found
Humorist · American · 1899–1995
American humorist
“Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.”
“Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.”
“Zoo: An excellent lace to study the habits of human beings”
“Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.”
“Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.”
“Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.”
“Many a man who falls in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.”
“America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.”
“Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.”
“The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper or his keeper's brother.”
“Housework is what woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.”
“Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.”
“Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.”
“An epigram is the marriage of wit, and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.”
“An alert copyreader on a newspaper couldn’t believe it when he read a reporter’s account of the theft of 2025 pigs. That’s a lot of pigs, he thought, and called the farmer to check the copy. Is it ...”
“It is the uncensored sense of humor of a people which is the ultimate therapy for man in society.”
“Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl.”
“Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won't stand up either.”
“The history of humorous writing discloses everchanging trends. Our fast-paced modern living is too impatient for the lengthy light verse and the leisurely essays of our forefathers.”
“The personal comparative is marked by epigrammatic self-satire. It implies that everyone thinks himself better than anyone else, but only the egoist says so.”
“When Marilyn Monroe, the American Venus, visited England, one London correspondent wrote that she looked like a million dollars. Fortunately, he did not write that she looked like a million pounds.”
