Quotes by Daniel Handler

“Klaus: And YOU are being stupid, with an S! Sunny: Aget! (meaning Please stop fighting!)”

“Oftentimes, when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps. -Lemony Snicket”

“There are few sights sadder than a ruined book. -Lemony Snicket”

“If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. -Lemony Snicket”

“Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in ...”

“There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or, in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't. For instance, the Baudelaire orphans have a fear of Count Olaf, which makes ...”

“To Beatrice--My love flew like a butterfly, Until death swooped down like a bat, As the poet Emma Montana McElroy said: That's the end of that.”

“I’m sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who ...”

“The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is 'Never break into someone else's house. The moral of Snow White is Never eat apples. The moral of World War One is Never assassinate Archduke Ferdin...”

“I hope, for your sake, that you have not chosen to read this book because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience. If this is the case, I advise you to put this book down instantaneously, bec...”

“The pages of this book, I'm sorry to inform you, contain such unpleasantries as a giant pincer machine, a bad casserole, a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, a hypnotist, a terribl...”

“I have promised to write down the entire history of these three poor children, but you haven't, so if you prefer stories that are more heartwarming, please feel free to make another selection.”

“With all due respect,”

“Klaus: Yes, sir.”

“For Beatrice--You will always be in my heart, in my mind, and in your grave. -Lemony Snicket”

“Get out of my way, you cakesniffers! -Carmelita Spats”

“Shyness is a very curious thing, because, like quicksand, it can strike people are any time, and also, like quicksand, it usually makes its victims look down.”

“The expression Making a mountain out of a molehill simply means making a big deal out of something that is actually a small deal, and it is easy to see how this expression came about. Molehills are...”

“Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make--bombs for instance, or strawberry shortcake--if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible ...”

“If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent and resourceful children, and ...”