Quotes by Daniel Handler

“I'm writing it in a letter, the whole truth of why it happened. And the truth is that I goddamn loved you so much.”

“Here we are at the bottom, almost empty. It's like confetti, these dried remnants you find in the street for a party no one invited you to. But they used to be, I can admit, part of something beaut...”

“I'm nothing, not a single thing. The only particle I had, the only tiny thing raising me up, is that I was Ed Slaterton's girlfriend, loved by you for like ten secs, and who cares, so what, and not...”

“You winked, took the change. I should have seen it, Ed, as a sign that you were unreliable. Instead, I saw it as a sign of charming, which is why I didn't break it off right then and there.”

“There were a million things, everything, I didn't know. I was stupid, the official descriptive phrase for happy. I took this thing I'm giving you back, this thing you gave me as the star we were wa...”

“We thought we had time. I waved but couldn't answer, because I was finally letting myself grin as wide as I'd wanted all afternoon, all evening, every sec of every minute with you, Ed. Shit, I gues...”

“All over the world are particular people, and you could be happy with probably five or six of them, eight if you're bisexual and everyone is.”

“This teaching job did not pay a lot of money, because, let's face it, nobody gives a flying fuck about education, but it was a temporary position.”

“I guess it's funny how life turns out?" she tried. "Not last I checked," Errol said with a snort.”

“You cant mind these things, you just cant, for to dislike what makes a person human is to dislike all humans.”

“Phil Needle stood in the parking lot, suddenly grasping that this was so, that nothing is lost in a world utterly mapped, that nothing is rogue with everything cross-pollinated, as the shouts on th...”

“If hes not gay and he hung out with you the whole time, he wanted to be. Its boyfriend or want to be boyfriend or I guess gay. Those are the choices.”

“I didn't like books where people played on a sports team and won a bunch of games, or went to summer camp and had a wonderful time. I really liked a book where a witch might cut a child's head off ...”

“I like to give people novels I think they would like, on no particular occasion - just when we're in a bookstore together. I like to receive reference books on my birthday.”

“I write longhand on legal pads, about half at home and half in cafes. I drink a lot of water and eat a lot of raw carrots.”

“I write every day weekdays for about 5 hours, mostly longhand on legal pads. It has gotten neither harder nor easier, sadly or happily.”

“She had the look in her eye when you kick and kick at the door and it doesn't open, when you write a boy letters and letters and he never loves you, not til the day he dies. Not even then.”

“But before, not so long ago - my own rose from prom still OK on the mirror, dried but not a corpse - you were just Ed Slaterton, jocky hero, handsome in the student newspaper and star of a million ...”

“And then like a song we'd forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole life.”

“The movie was kickass, which was appropriate, because tonight it was called Kickass: The Movie.”