Quotes by Daniel Handler

“I know you can't see it, not you, Ed, but maybe if I tell you the whole plot you'll understand it this once, because even now I want you to see it. I don't love you anymore, of course I don't, but ...”

“Maybe, generations ago, young people rebelled out of some clear motive, but now, we know were rebelling. Between teen movies and sex-ed textbooks were so ready for our rebellious phase we cant help...”

“This is how it is in life and love. In life and love we are with people for a while, and then we join other people, people we have not met, and we walk with them, and we leave behind all the things...”

“No, when you love someone you spend hours and hours with them, and even the mightiest forces in the netherworld could not say whether the hours you spend increase your love or if you simply spend m...”

“He thought she knew what he meant, but the biggest mistake you can make is thinking they know what you mean.”

“Call me later, you’d said, so I could call you later, at night, and it is those nights I miss you, Ed, the most, on the phone, you beautiful bastard.”

“She was all the world’s money, and I would spend it with her, my sharpest friend who changed the tide, my only comfort from the brutal gamble of the world and the wicked ways of men.”

“I guess it's funny how life turns out?" she tried. "Not last I checked," Errol said with a snort.”

“All over the world are particular people, and you could be happy with probably five or six of them, eight if you're bisexual and everyone is.”

“This teaching job did not pay a lot of money, because, let's face it, nobody gives a flying fuck about education, but it was a temporary position.”

“You can’t mind these things, you just can’t, for to dislike what makes a person human is to dislike all humans.”

“Phil Needle stood in the parking lot, suddenly grasping that this was so, that nothing is lost in a world utterly mapped, that nothing is rogue with everything cross-pollinated, as the shouts on th...”

“If he’s not gay and he hung out with you the whole time, he wanted to be. It’s boyfriend or want to be boyfriend or I guess gay. Those are the choices.”

“The movie was kickass, which was appropriate, because tonight it was called Kickass: The Movie.”

“For Beatrice--Darling, dearest, dead.”

“It is very useful, when one is young, to learn the difference between literally and figuratively. If something happens literally, it actually happens; if something happens figuratively, it feels li...”

“For Beatrice-- My love for you shall live forever. You, however, did not.”

“When you were very small, perhaps someone read to you the insipid story —the word insipid here means not worth reading to someone of the Boy Who Cried Wolf. A very dull boy, you may remember, cried...”

“For Beatrice--I would much prefer it if you were alive and well.”

“Violet: You are being unbearable, with a U!”