Quotes by Bill Maher

“We are oblivious to suffering. We are cheap with charity if it's not close to our home.”

“We're a complacent society, hard to get riled up in the first place, and then when we do, it's misdirected.”

“Brave Americans in past wars didn't die for the actual flag--they died for the freedom it represents, including the freedom to burn it.”

“America is bad at discriminating between danger likely to strike again, and red herrings, the freaking helpings of disaster that no man or plan can prevent.”

“New Rule: Food companies must face the facts: One container equals one serving. Look, were Americans, and that means once we open the bag, theres no stopping us until were licking stray bits of pow...”

“Every day in America is a day with a shooting.”

“New Rule: Conservatives have to stop rolling their eyes every time they hear the word "France." Like just calling something French is the ultimate argument winner. As if to say, "What can you say a...”

“Do not fuck with gun nuts because they are nuts about their guns.”

“New Rule: America has every right ot bitch about gas prices suddenly shooting up. How could we have known? Oh, wait, there was that teensy, tiny thing about being warned constantly over the last fo...”

“It's not that we don't care--it's just that that we'd prefer not to get involved.”

“After September 11th, I never much liked the trend of everyone and his brother wearing the hats and jackets of the NYPD and FDNY. Only the people who do the job should get to wear the hat. Would yo...”

“This is the opposite of the free market.”

“We were asked to do very little, and we responded. That's the bargain we tacitly make with our presidents: we won't ask too much of you, if you don't ask too much of us.”

“New Rule: Apple's next device must be a computer that you control with your tongue. Thanks for eliminating the keyboard and the mouse, but pointing and pushing at things already seems too complicat...”

“Claiming "the budget can't allow it" reminds me of when you walk into a restaurant at a civilized hour like ten o'clock and they say "the kitchen is closed." For years I would hear this, and think,...”

“Forget bringing the troops home from Iraq. We need to get the troops home from World War II. Can anybody tell me why, in 2009, we still have more than sixty thousand troops in Germany and thirty th...”

“If I can't suck your milkshake through a straw, it's not a milkshake--it's a glass of ice cream.”

“New Rule: Americans have to come up with a better cheese to represent the nation than American cheese. I'm not even sure American cheese is cheese. I think it's aged Jell-O. And it doesn't need to ...”

“I'm not a Christian, but I have read his book.”

“New Rule: You can't force the ATM to do something it doesn't want to do. Excuse me, lady in front of me at the Citibank ATM, but you've been standing there punching buttons for ten minutes--what ar...”