68 quotes found
“Mr. Attlee is a very modest man. But then he has much to be modest about.”
“After a year of therapy my psychiatrist said to me "Maybe life isn't for everyone."”
“The only way she could get a standing ovation would be if she sang "The Star-Spangled Banner."”
“His voice is to entertainment what the kazoo is to classical music.”
“Some people can carry a tune but they seem to stagger under the load.”
“Every word she writes is a lie including and and the.”
“When she told her doctor that she always wanted to keep her weight exactly the same as her IQ he gave her a lecture on anorexia.”
“If he can remember so many jokes With all the details that mold them Why can't he recall with equal skill All the times he told them!”
“I just thought you might like to know that I passed a kennel on the way to the game and your mother is all right.”
“If your brains were dynamite there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off.”
“Injuries may be forgiven but not forgotten.”
“Macaulay is well for awhile but one wouldn't live under Niagara.”
“Be thou as chaste as ice as pure as snow thou shalt not escape calumny.”
“A fly Sir may sting a stately horse and make him wince but one is but an insect and the other a horse still.”
“To persevere in one's duty and be silent is the best answer to calumny.”
“Woe unto you when all men shall speak well of you.”
“Young men soon give and soon forget affronts Old age is slow in both.”
“As long as there are readers to be delighted with calumny there will be found reviewers to calumniate.”
“It takes your enemy and your friend working together to hurt you to the heart the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.”
“Abuse a man unjustly and you will make friends for him.”
