“Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.”

“Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people that they don't like.”

“Even if you are on the right track, youll get run over if you just sit there.”

“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.”

“I never met a man that I didn't like.”

“All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”

“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”

“Politics determines who has the power, not who has the truth.”

“Immer wieder behauptete Unwahrheiten werden nicht zu Wahrheiten, sondern, was schlimmer ist, zu Gewohnheiten.”