“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is t...”

“I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.”

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”

“I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”

“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”