“Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.”

“Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?”

“They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen, because, who the fuck needs them? Or firemen, son of a bitch, it's much more fun watching somet...”

“Just relax and breathe through your ass.”

“If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every h...”

“Its absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, weve got rockets, weve got saran wrap FIX IT!!!”

“The Christian shoemaker does his duty not by putting little crosses on the shoes, but by making good shoes, because God is interested in good craftsmanship.”

“And while I may get hurt, disappointed, or frustrated [], my foundation doesnt have to change.”

“Its important to take Gods love personally, though it may not be an easy thing to do. Sure, God loves the world, but he also loves each one of us individually.”

“To Your eyes a thousand years are like yesterday come and gone, no more than a watch in the night.You sweep men away like a dream, like grass which springs up in the morning.In the morning it sprin...”

“Ask not for a lighter load but for broader shoulders”

“You couldn't find a Jewish sheik?”